Heart,  Writing

Mourning the Loss of Expectations

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Feeling sad today. Missing travel. Missing Main Street, USA at Magic Kingdom. Fearing that awful, monstrous…The Unknown.

I don’t shove these feelings down.

I don’t scold myself for not trusting God enough for not having enough faith.

Please.

The Bible is pretty much ALL people who aren’t enough but for whom God decides to Be everything.

He’s always filled in the gaps, where we aren’t enough.

No, what I’m doing is recognizing that my expectation for life does not match reality.

The journey of letting go of expectation and accepting reality is called grief.

It’s a crucial part of our mental health.

Grief is tricky. It messes you up to stifle it OR to languish in it.

Grief isn’t a destination. It’s a hallway between rooms.

If you don’t use the hallway, you are stuck somewhere you aren’t supposed to be.

If you live in the hallway, you are missing out on the life waiting for you.

But you can’t skip the hallway.

I’m just walking through a little hallway today.

I’ll do it with Jesus. I’ll pause. Show Him something I’m sad about or scared about. He’ll just hold my hand while I say goodbye to the thing I’ll miss or have a good cry over my lack of control. But then He’ll gently guide me to the next thing.

Eventually, like so many times before, I’ll accept that my expectations were never anything more than that. THIS was always what was going to be. This is what God planned and will use for my good.

I’m just not there yet. I’m walking down the hallway.

It’s okay to be sad.

Just living out loud in case someone else needs permission to feel sad too.

 

This article was written by Sara Edwards. Thank you Sara for visiting The Hallelujah House today.
image.pngSara Edwards lives and works in the lovely town of Windermere, Florida. When she’s not carpooling her children, Ellie and Caleb, or working as an Office Manager for a local real estate agency, she’s co-leading a small group at Family Church in Windermere with her husband, George. Her other passion is leading worship as a vocalist in Family’s Worship Arts Ministry.

I am a Christian wife and momma to four children, ages 21 to 5. I'm a writer who loves ministry, painting, and interior design. I reside in Orlando full-time, but escape to my farmhouse on a working farm in the sticks of Georgia whenever I can. Welcome to the Hallelujah House!

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